Jim's Blog

Telemarketers

We often get calls from telemarketers. They might be a company that we already have services with and are trying to upsell us on something. Either way, I don't want to talk to them. At the same time, I am curious about what they might have to say. I usually say the person they are trying to reach isn't home, but can I take a message. They almost always decline and say they'll call back. Which, really does not help reduce the calls we receive. I should probably rethink that strategy.

I'm trying to come up with alternative amusing ways to find out what they want without sitting through a whole sales spiel. So far I've got a couple:

• They work nights. Can I take a message and they'll call back at 3 am?
• They've been institutionalized for a couple of weeks. Can I take a message to give to their doctor to pass along?
• They've got a hearing disability and I'll need to write down the question for them.
• She's a mermaid and can't leave the water and the phone won't reach.
• They're in Chile working on the large telescope array and won't be around until after the next lunar eclipse.
• They've gone on a walkabout and they'll be back after they meet their spiritual guide.
• They're out tilting at windmills right now. Can I take a message?
• Mrs. [last name]? Oh. That was before the operation. It's Steve now. Steve's not in.
• Uhh... this is awkward. His court case didn't go so well. It is okay if he calls back in 2 years less a day?
• He went out and got hammered last night and is the hospital. The doctors will be removing the nails tomorrow.
• He never talks on the phone when his stigmata is acting up. He doesn't like getting blood on the phone.
• Sorry for interrupting, but are you a ninja? It's just that ever since he's been involved in piracy he's been deathly afraid of ninjas...

Got any other good ones?