developing pattern
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Tue May 01 01 / 6:52 AM

I spent today moving out and moving Mike and his girlfriend Shannon in. At the end, Mike had his last load of stuff in the truck and I had just brought mine in, so there was no need for me to go back with him - I said goodbye and he said goodbye, and suddenly I no longer lived in my home. Janet has taken over the shower caddy, and I'm talking to Chris on ICQ, but he's not downstairs.

I'll be gone seven months, the same amount of time I was there. It felt like a lifetime (because it was a new life), but it was very easy to make it seem like I'd never been there at all.

It really feels like the last seven months never happened. I am back in this room in this building with dad over the next wall. It is always just a bit too hot and a bit too smokey. There is nobody to talk to. But this is where it all started. This is where I went to high school and university from. This is where I met him for the first time, and where I met him for the second time.

And who's to say that anything has changed? I don't live in that house I bought, I don't see those roommates of mine, I don't have him. I have a summer of working, going out to Barrymore's, and looking forward to a few months down the road, exactly like last year.

Tell me that it was real. That he and I and my house were really there, are still really there. I'm talking to him on ICQ right now, and it's almost like when he was telling me about his Europe trip last year - he's there, and I can talk to him, but I'm frustrated by the fact that I don't really know him at all. So did it all happen?

I'm just so happy about the way things were that I can't stop crying.



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Lisa Higgs
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