editor's choice
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latest archive about email links yearbook japan photoblog wish list	Sat Jan 06 01 / 5:26 AM It's been three months (already?) and he and I crest daily in a passionate discovery phase. But emotions are looming. They haven't been spoken yet, and that actually makes me happy. I'd rather feel what is coming to me than hear it. Still, what is he waiting for? I'm afraid it might not be me. I hold him to me with sex; I don't know if there's anything else. He says so often, "I have so much fun with you, Lisa." Those words sound phonetically like something else. What is he saying? What would I say? I love this taking it slow. It is so much more respectful to me and my desire to stretch out the good before the bad puts you in the ground. This way too, I have time to find out if I will mean what I've said to the others. These firsts are a marvel. This clean slate has allowed me to reconstruct myself as the deconstructed me I always meant to be. No more lies, false faces, changing personalities. And almost - no more embarrassment. I have freedom from the prison of my own mindsets. It is sexually gratifying, emotionally interesting, and just maybe a little mentally disappointing. He is first-rate - with a living comparison I can no longer even fool myself that I can even come in second. Having him is the closest I can come right now to being him.
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Lisa Higgs
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