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Tue Aug 08 00 / 2:57 AM

Barrymore's has become this summer's Finnegan's. My regular bar, my regular friends, the regular locals, the regular new faces. Same music, same drinks, knowing where the washrooms are. I love it.

But what is special?

At Barrymore's, the odds seem higher that I will be appreciated or at least noticed by someone, anyone. The attention that I shoot up lately will most likely be available if I just show up at Barrymore's on a Sunday night.

Is this a metamorphosis?

I am more explosive than ever this summer. More sure, more unstable, more bare, more careless. A desire to be surrounded by the familiar yet exciting would only be a natural followthrough to this state; - an attempt to capture some perfect moments and keep them live.

Before all this, when I had nobody, was nobody: none of this seemed to matter. When I had only myself for complement and compliment, I had no need for superficial wondering or surface lust or skin-deep touches. I cared little for hugs, conversation, holding hands, eye contact, touching legs. I was content with weekends home alone, seven books in seven days, old clothes, no recess. Now I am moody when nobody answers the phone, have only time for schoolbooks, can't spend enough money, and show up to work on 2 hours sleep and 6 JackDaniels&Coke.

I wasted youth when I was young; I am trying to make up for it and for a slower future that will surely arrive. I don't want to go back to alone, but that version of me was so much more disciplined and had more potential. I am in it now for the fast fix, and promise gets shorter as days go by. I have the rest of my life to work, but there is something to be said for laying a foundation. What is the lesser of two evils?

Today I am alive, but yesterday I didn't define myself by others.

I am shallow now but vast; then I was deep but singular.

I am an ancient ocean. The reasons for visiting my shores have changed.

</>

Lisa Higgs

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*worth the salt*
.
latest archive about email links yearbook japan photoblog wish list	Tue Aug 08 00 / 2:57 AM Barrymore's has become this summer's Finnegan's. My regular bar, my regular friends, the regular locals, the regular new faces. Same music, same drinks, knowing where the washrooms are. I love it. But what is special? At Barrymore's, the odds seem higher that I will be appreciated or at least noticed by someone, anyone. The attention that I shoot up lately will most likely be available if I just show up at Barrymore's on a Sunday night. Is this a metamorphosis? I am more explosive than ever this summer. More sure, more unstable, more bare, more careless. A desire to be surrounded by the familiar yet exciting would only be a natural followthrough to this state; - an attempt to capture some perfect moments and keep them live. Before all this, when I had nobody, was nobody: none of this seemed to matter. When I had only myself for complement and compliment, I had no need for superficial wondering or surface lust or skin-deep touches. I cared little for hugs, conversation, holding hands, eye contact, touching legs. I was content with weekends home alone, seven books in seven days, old clothes, no recess. Now I am moody when nobody answers the phone, have only time for schoolbooks, can't spend enough money, and show up to work on 2 hours sleep and 6 JackDaniels&Coke. I wasted youth when I was young; I am trying to make up for it and for a slower future that will surely arrive. I don't want to go back to alone, but that version of me was so much more disciplined and had more potential. I am in it now for the fast fix, and promise gets shorter as days go by. I have the rest of my life to work, but there is something to be said for laying a foundation. What is the lesser of two evils? Today I am alive, but yesterday I didn't define myself by others. I am shallow now but vast; then I was deep but singular. I am an ancient ocean. The reasons for visiting my shores have changed.
	</>
Lisa Higgs
.