chance
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latest archive about email links yearbook japan photoblog wish list	Fri May 12 00 / 1:20 AM Does anyone ever know when they have multiple personalities? I barely know what it is like to be me - I am too often playing at being anyone but. I do have multiple moods, I know that, and the change can be violent. I'm sure I can feel my impulses shooting around my brain. I hear the electrical hum when it is turned on, and feel a little dizzy when the pathways are greased and clear and zipping. My mood pathways are like a game of chutes and ladders, but the numbered squares continue forever left of zero and right of one hundred on the number line. The average day is a blank numbered square on the game or the calendar. There's a lot of them, they go on. Ladders are climbed as swiftly as chutes are tumbled down (this is a game after all). The higher the rung, the happier my token. It's work, but it's getting me somewhere. Chutes are really only fun for the momentary ride. When I realize the destination is not going to get me anywhere but further down, I fall faster. Nothing gets done but the small guilty pleasure of the useless fall. I just never know when I'll come upon a slide or a stair. It's as random as the dice toss. It's hard to enjoy such a bumpy stilted ride. Life needs its whims, but to live on one is no spirited game of Scrabble. I want to roll my own dice once in a while.
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Lisa Higgs
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